Rem Hearts Fans!

Hearts fans boo Pope's minute's silence shock horror. Well, they're a bunch of huns, aren't they? Apart from Captain Jambo, who emailed me about this hammerblow to the good name of your typical, knuckle dragging Hearts fan.


The Captain now lives in an intercontinental ballistic missile forest somewhere in Lousianna and now feels quite safe from all this sectarian Scottish stuff. In fact, his religious progress has been quite interesting. Brought up a tim, but was sent to John Knox Academy (This passes for parental choice where he comes from!) where he was destined to become a Hearts fan ( to fit in and not get killed) and born again orangeman. Now, he lives among the nukes and has gone into the evangelicals. In Louisianna? I suppose if you live in the middle of all these nuclear weapons, putting snakes down your trouser legs won't be that scary.

Another Scotsman lives quite near him .... well, Tennessee. He lives in a forest as well, but there's just trees in his. A sensei and reverend by day, at night he takes off his hat, grows his ears and teeth, and turns into Nosferatu, the bogeyman from Maryhill, an idyllic little village near Glasgow. You can buy a wallet made from real Tennessee person's skin here.

If you don't buy a wallet, buy one of his books and give it to me for Christmas. I've just looked. He's flogging a book of short stories. He wrote a book of short stories when still in chilly Jockoland, the first one about being young in Maryhill. It was called Get Out As Early As You Can. Well, the book was. The first short story did my head in at the time. Shows what a nice upbringing you might have if you were lucky enough to have nice parents in Brigadoon. Great story!

This isn't the Samye Ling. (This is)
You can't meditate all the time here. Once you get into being happy sitting there for most of the day, why go anywhere else?

Before I left, I was in the temple and another meditator I'd never seen before was sitting there. A woman, she was robed up. I sat there. She sat there. About an hour later, the door opened and some visitors were whispering, so I decided to go. I was doing straight calmness stuff. But before I got up, I took a wee vase breath and exhaled. A wee cloud of heat and bliss rose. Very reassuring that. Something like that usually happens to me before I leave the Samye Ling. I've started thinking of it as a wee gift from the lama. Anyway, I got up and left. The woman was still sitting there. Like a stone.

Flatheids to the left of you; flatheids to the right of you; flatheids in front of you.

No one has yet decided to make me rich.