Thursday, May 12, 2005

Rem Prostations!

Brian Wilson is now on the Unheard of and McDonald Islands. There's a map! He's been looking for Adolf and the bunch of nazi paramilitary school girls, but all he can find are gangs of drunken penguins, who keep swaggering up to him with bottles of beer under their flippers and challenging him to boxing matches. Penguins aren't very good at boxing, so he's bored. So bored that he thinks he might get into Buddhism. I suggest he do some prostrations on the beach. He wants to know if that involves getting a thumb stuck up your bum. Only where he comes from.

I tried to blog last night, but it disappeared into cyberspace. Said I had no data. Really?

An encouraging thing in the last novel I read. It was called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. Loved it. It's about a kid with Asperger's Syndrome. He can remember everything. It says he can recall the shape of the patches on cows after a glance into a field. So the ability is in us. How do you access that? Recently, I've been getting better with imagining I'm in the centre of the mandala. I'm using the Kalachakra Mandala which is on a sticker which is attached to the front of my diary. Rest my eyes on that a lot. Once when dreaming I seemed to be hanging off the edge of a spinning version of this and the mandala looked fine but incomplete then. Sometimes I'm maybe getting one percent. That's a big improvement!

The wren (there might be two of them! Identical tottie things!) comes into the hut now with wings of insects protruding from its wee beak. It jumps about a lot. It can stick to the walls. Sometimes it goes out through the chicken wire window then comes back in. Hops about again then goes to the nest. Weet, weet, comes from inside. I think the wren must be looking around to see if there's anybody about. Or anybody else. It doesn't really come within arms reach.

After sending out about twenty to thirty emails ... this is a well considered email ... to agents using the Everyone who is Anyone website, I've basically got absolutely nowhere. Somebody said they would get back to me when their email server thing wasn't giving them grief. Mostly, nobody replies at all. Apart from getting to torment some rich people there doesn't really seem much point in continuing with this, but I'll press on. I think next week I'll send the email to everyone else on the list (this will take hours), so I can definitively say I have been rejected by every single literary agent in Britain.

It's nearly half ten in the morning on Thursday. It's lovely outside, but I said in the email that I'd be in for calls if anyone wanted to ring me up, so I'd better stay in.

You don't need an agent to write. But you can write about not getting an agent. The current novel I'm writing has plenty of stuff in it about not getting an agent for kidsbooks. So getting rejected by absolutely everyone is not a complete waste of time.

Speaking of writing, the sensei has a link to a jaw dropping article about why you can't get done for raping your wife in Tennessee.

I don't need to go to work today, tommorrow, the next day, or the day after that. What a fortunate creature! This is the best time of my life! For I'm a Hotboy Madyamika and I can surf the oceans of bliss!!

8 Comments:

Blogger Nobis Ralwin (anag) said...

I think they've changed my sedation. Things are becoming a lot clearer now.

Rob - I have a question for you. The gorillas here at MIMI - they are not gorillas at all, are they?

They're penguins! I should have realised you don't get gorillas this far south.

This is great news.

We stand even more chance of winning the cricket match!!

Penguins are hopeless at cricket. They may cover the ground well and be fast on their feet, but with wings instead of fingers, there's no way they'll be able to give the ball much of a tweak.

Nobby

11:27 AM  
Blogger Alison Main said...

Mr Rob,

Would you recommend the Unheard of and McDonald Islands as a suitable author's retreat?

Is there an issue with respect to ozone depletion?

Alison

12:45 PM  
Blogger robmcj said...

nobis. You're right about the "gorillas". The penguins discharged me on day-release, on condition that I keep away from disturbing elements. Do you mind if we postpone our meeting until you're fully stabilised? I wouldn't want you to set me off again.

You mention cricket. Frau Robmcj tells me it's a game played by Englishers, and I hear that penguins play dirty, but apart from that, in the words of my neighbour Herr Schulz, "I know nussing". As you say they are very fast, they have doubtless probed you without consent at MIMI, they can do the same on the pitch before you even see them. Hotboy says he has recently picked up some tips on visual recognition of speeding piebald animals. He focuses on cows, but the principle's the same.

I can't help you any further with your preparation for the match. You could ask Alison Main, she has a grasp of ball matters and is writing a book on the subject.

I hope the course of treatment goes well, robmcj.

1:33 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Alison. We haven't been introduced but I knew your sister Lesley when I was a child.

About you coming here. Could you maybe wait until Brian and co have left? It's got quite crowded here, and if I get too excited they'll take me back to the institute again. I can understand your wish to be here in time to cover the match for your book, but honestly I think it'll all be over in five minutes, Brian and team haven't come up against penguins before, and they haven't even brought their protectors, despite your advice.

If and when you do arrive, I'm glad to see you're forewarned of the diazepam depletion here. I can let you have some of my zoloft if I don't have to raise the dosage to cope with the media circus around Brian.

I forgot for a moment whose blog site I'm on. I've got umpteen browser windows open simultaneously, and if I ever get finished responding to questions here and over at Ra Agenting Classes maybe I'll squeeze in a few moments at my own blog. If I had wanted this much stress I'd have got a job.

Glad to have been of help, robmcj

1:35 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

hotboy, I too enjoyed the book about the kid with Asperger's Syndrome. What's the name of the syndrome that causes you to forget the plot of every book you read? That's the syndrome I have, otherwise we could discuss the book.

On a more sinister note, I am now being hounded over at my blog by the adminstrator of www.expat-blog.com who wants me to write a book about my expat experience here. Are you interested in subcontracting?

robmcj

2:58 AM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Empedocles had a volcano to jump in. I believe there is one on a nearby island. I might have to go there and jump in sometime. Will these expat johnnies cough up for the considerable expenses involved. Hotboy

10:02 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

I think the arts council are a better bet. robmcj

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today is my lucky day :)
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4:35 AM  

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