Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ra Beer Monster Hangs On!

Sunday 1p.m.
Dramatic developments with ra bliss recently! I think it must be something to do with going around dressed in The Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle - You Supply the Power, which got its first public promotion in this post. Adolf has posted a picture of The Vehicle in motion here, and suggested I add ankle weights, but this has given me another idea for making a million while I'm about trying to become an enlightened Hotboy and all that.

I've decided to rent out pieces of earth from my allotment. Like maybe a hundred pounds of earth to people who want to lose weight. Let them imagine what it's like to be a truly fat basturn. Carry around an extra hundred pounds for a while. When they've lost whatever weight they want, they could return the earth to me. You could rent it for a month, say. Well, you wouldn't expect to get it to keep. It's valuable stuff. They're not making any more of it. We could clean up!!

While road testing the Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle, I've been forced to keep drinking beer, to help power it, and to stop me becoming completely unnormal!!

Ra bliss, ra bliss. Before I came here to type, I was in the lobby with the noise blockers, lotus position, etc. Straight into the profound whiteness, not much thinking at all, fabulous, wonderment of ra bliss. Though I haven't been doing all that much meditating since the Domestic Bliss returned from the Americas on Thursday, I suspect I must have been doing a lot previously. Ra bliss has moved onwards and upwards. All afternoon the house will be empty and I can just sit in the lobby investigating ra bliss. What a fortunate, fortunate creature I am!!
2 p.m.
On another little break! Ra bliss seems more profound when there's a kind of steady state in ra bliss and not much thinking. You can kind of put in a thought if you want, but they're pretty slow to arise. Your mind is not agitated. Just white light and bliss.

Yesterday, I went to see my chum Poisonous. For a while, I was on my own out in his garden. This space is like the forgotten corner of a graveyard, the place where the sun never shines except when straight overhead. But what bliss! Close your eyes and that's about all you have to do. Right into the profound bliss. We watched a movie. I tried to watch it with my eyes rolled up and took a breath. How fantastic it is to be able to do that in public and get such an uprising of ra bliss! Getting out of your face on air! This was even better than when I tried this stunt round at Shiva's a week or two ago. You're getting the hit that God gave himself sitting there not watching a movie. It's hardly believable even to me. I tried to tell Poisonous about this. He's started to squint at me as well.

I could go to the mental hospital now and I think they'd let me in, especially if I was wearing The Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle. However, I do not think they'd allow me to drink beer there.

I think the "winds", as they are known in the juju, are supposed to enter the central channel, then they are supposed to stabilise.... that might be the profound, not a lot of thought, blissy bit with the liquid light attachements. After it stabilises, it's supposed to dissolve at some point. That's when you should be able to collect the Four Blisses.... ra bliss hasn't even begun yet!

7 p.m.
Not long out of the bath after going on the longer, flatter run, the one that takes about fifty minutes. I had on the Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle minus the plastic bin liner. I was jogging along there, thinking: This has got to be a winner. .. THE BEER MONSTER REDUCTION DIET! EAT LIKE A PIG JUST AS LONG AS LONG AS YOU DRINK A GALLON OF BEER A DAY!!

I think mixing dieting with religion must be the way to the big bucks. YOU CAN HIRE THE BEER MONSTER VEHICLE HERE! Authentic Hotboy running gear. $100 a week rent for the genuine article. Also, another $100 for the GENUINE ALLOTMENT MAGIC EARTH.

All you have to do is wear the vehicle and the earth for a couple of hours a day. During this time go for a run and run until you fall down with exhaustion. Crawl home and start drinking beer until you feel like dancing and singing.

That's all there is to it! You might not think there's much religion in this diet, but that comes in when you read the instructions that come with the MAGIC EARTH. I mean, it's got to be winner. Available soon at my website!!!


Blogger robmcj said...

Good idea of yours last week, combining beer with watching football. Why has nobody thought of that before? I tried it out on Friday, watching NZ and Australia playing rugby league.

I selected 2 bottles of Chocolate Porter (5% alcohol, 20 cents a bottle), served at room temperature. I have tried chilling it but it's not that kind of beer. It's slightly sweet and viscous with malt, with a hint of a whisky glow in the throat. Delicious bottled happiness, it also causes high-volume cheering, eventually for both teams.

Result - with the help of the beer, the upstart New Zealanders tanked the Aussies.

The second match is this Friday - can you recommend an appropriate brew?

4:27 AM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Give up drinking beer, that's my recommendation. There lies ... grief, sorrow, lamentations... suffering in this life! You could put it in a big box and send it to me. I'll look after it for you until you're spiritually ready for it. Hope this helps. Hotboy

9:36 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Sorry to tell you Hotboy, but Oprah has already thought of the dieting - religion collision. And she made the big bucks. And it is no co-inkydink that "diety" is mostly about diet.

Wasnt the Buddha supposed to be a skinny bloke?


9:37 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, speaking of New Zealanders, I used to have a swim coach from there. His name was Colin of the best coaches I ever had (and most gorgeous), well, sorry, I was 15 at the time, what do you expect. Anyhow, he used to talk about the pretty "guls" he loved them. I loved his accent!

11:00 PM  
Blogger robmcj said...

LA - As you know I'm a penguin-fancier myself. I've never tried seagulls. But unlike Colin I'm pot-ugly. Should I change my name to Herring, to attract them?

That was a joke.

HB/Heather - I'm a skinny basturn, if you're looking for a bodhisattva (I think that's the term). Glad to help.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My dear Heather,

The Buddha was definitely a plump chappy.

I have a delightful Buddha carving on my mantlepiece, picked up some time ago in Southern India. He has a very rotund belly and a happy smile.


2:41 PM  
Blogger Heather said...


Yes, the buddha is plump and rolly polly in most Mahayahana and
Vajrayana depictions. I think Theravedan Buddas tend to be on the
leaner side...such as this chap,
and this dude and this one too.

Although, I must say, I like my buddha with a little meat. Bwaaa ha ha ha

3:03 PM  
Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My Dear Heather,

Those are dangerous images. Hotboy already belives he can survive on hot air alone.


10:24 PM  

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