Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Ra Earth Eating Cabbages!

Tuesday 9:15p.m.
You're supposed to keep the paths through the allotments even with the ground, so that old dears do not stumble, fall and break their necks. This is a rule. The domestic bliss got the allotment about ten years ago because she didn't think I had enough to do with all the physical jerks, writing, meditating, taking drugs and drink, and going to work as well. A good idea as it turned out.

But the earth has been visibly disappearing. You can see the level of the plot sinking in relation to the surrounding paths. This is a mystery. Where can the earth be going to? It can't be subsiding just in the bit that's being dug.

From a logical point of view, it seems that the plants must be eating the earth. Or consuming or tranforming it into vegetation. This makes sense as you look at the earth disappearing and the plants expanding till you pluck them from the earth, and then eat them up. So that's okay. Apparently, you are eating the earth which is very satisfying.

It seems this is not true. When I told my friends (or friend, or acquaintance ... I don't want to make Adolf feel any more lonely on his side of the island), they said the earth wasn't getting sucked into the plants at all. They said the plants just grew from the air and water and the light, and nutrients in the water maybe washing through the earth. No earth goes into the plants, it seems.

They're trying to say that some minerals and water can turn a wee cabbage seed into a big cabbage which you can put in the soup and make it completely delicious.

This is plainly ridiculous. There must be something else going on. What's making the plant do that? Or the seed do that? Of course, it's the Holy Ghostie Men, the force which we Jedi Warriors wish to be with us.

And may the force be with you too!!

It's very difficult to see the force though I was fortunate to see it once. Cue the plug for The Buddha and the Big Bad Wolf, downloading free from this site. But when I come out of the hut and see the cabbages and think that folk don't believe in the force, it makes me laugh. Thank God, I don't even believe in God!

I try not to believe in anything. If you start believing in things, you might end up believing that we all came out of the dirt. Even before we were monkeys, we were just bits of dirt. Before that, we were just bits of gas. Before that we were light. Before that we were a point without circumference!

How partial is our knowledge! How stupid we are to think we know anything! But at the end of the day, what could be the explanation for the disappearing earth? Is it disappearing all over. Is the earth shrinking or what?


Blogger Eric said...

The earth is indeed shrinking. Here's the proof:


10:03 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

The link is not showing up properly.


Add to above:


10:15 PM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Eric, are you a viking? The proof is a military secret from this end. Out there in the wilderness, it'll have to shrink quite a bit before you notice, I suppose. We'd be all squeezed up right away. Except there's nobody else but me here. Do you ever want to be out there in the wilderness just on your own, without all these other guys? And are you allowed to get pissed. Maybe not. Then they take the fags off you and tell you to get the fags from the enemy. Who've got all the fags. That might be just the British. Hotboy

11:49 PM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Eric - thanks for the assistance with my research proposal. The new project looks set to advance my academic career still further.

HB - thanks for sharing about the cabbages. I think Lee Ann will be pleased too. Do you ever wish you had stuck in at science at school, so you'd understand all this stuff already? Matter can only change into other matter, or occasionally into energy. And vice versa. Except when it doesn't.

But all that is too complicated to remember, so I've distilled it down to a single universal equation, on which I have built my entire academic career. It goes like this: Everything Balances Out In The End.

Neat, isn't it? Of course I can't take all the credit, I couldn't have done it without the original work by Ralwin.

I'm glad to help.

12:15 AM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Watched a Stephen Hawking show the other week. First he said information disappeared down black holes, then he said it didn't. At least, that balanced out. I liked the first proposition better. Same as going down the plughole. Makes sense to me. Hope it does to you. Hotboy

10:11 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Yes, thanks for that.

Also, as you know from experience, the bathwater goes down the Australian plugholes anticlockwise, to balance up the clockwise plugholes in the north. Otherwise the universe might well implode.

Have a good day, it's all weekend from here.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

It just appears the earth is shrinking around the plants because the plants are growing bigger. It is all a grand illusion!! ;)

10:58 PM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig again! It's the weekend here again and it's only Wednesday night. How fabulous is that? I've moved the time up to me. Because of my disease (narcissistic thingy), this feels wonderful. I think everyone should be happy from now on in. Don't you? Hotboy

11:01 PM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Lee Ann: You might have something there! But how do I find the ground to replace the ground which seems to havee been stolen or disappeared, or eaten up by the plants? There might be some conspiracy among the old people to steal the earth. I'm not sure. I think I need a gun just in case. Hotboy

11:06 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

I was talking to Heather on the phone and she says that dust spontaneously appears on the floors of the house when the kids are around. Spontaneous generation of dust and dirt. There, more rock-solid proof about...uhhh...matter...as a matter of fact.

3:21 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

HB - re your question about everlasting happiness - I'd say yes, if the killer flu and jihad don't get us. Does that help?

3:37 AM  

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