Ra Pet Bereavement Counselling Service!
Wednesday 3 p.m.
I went to a literary do last night in the bar of the Traverse Theatre. Free wine. Since I spend most of my time on the Unheard of Island, I don't go out much. It's great going out. Standing on my own at the edge of things, at different times two pretty young women came over the speak to me. If I hadn't been holding a glass of wine on both occasions, I might have showed them one of my tricks. I've blogged about tricks before.
Trick One : Top trick is definitely going into a headstand and then into a lotus upside down and then sitting down in the lotus. Do this to someone with your back to them and they jump back in shock. People aren't used to seeing folk in lotus positions and sometimes that could freak them by itself.
Trick Two: Rolling your eyes up till there's nothing but white. People don't like it when you do this trick, which is a by-product of chasing ra bliss, so it's probably not a good way to impress young women.
Trick Three: I've blogged about sun salutations before. The Iyengar Yoga ones are slightly different. You put your hands on the ground keeping your legs straight so that your palms are flat on the deck. Then you jump back till you're in the plank position, like when you're half way through press-ups. This looks impossible when you see it and you think the joe is going to break his toes.
Anyway, this made me think again about the Pet Bereavement Counselling Service, which I think would be a real goer if only I wasn't TOO BLISSED TO BE BUGGERED.
I checked my site yesterday and Adolf has fixed all the links. Apparently, four or five of them weren't working except if you were me. He told me why this was, but I cannot remember now due to the wine removing what little IQ I had left. But I apologise to anyone who tried to download from it and got zip.
Adolf will have to come round from his part of the island to provide technical support for the Pet Bereavement Counselling Service. All I need is a webcam and a laptop and someone to do everything for me, including how to let people pay pots for the service. And they would too. People who love their pets must worry about what happens when they pass away. Say your budgie has died and you get online.
Go straight to trick number one. They see you curled on the floor of the cave with your back to them. Then you come up into the headstand. Then you go into the lotus while in the headstand. You curl down and sit so that suddenly they see you looking in their direction in a lotus. Then you ask the joe what his pet was called. Maybe he says tearfully, 'My little budgie was called Tweety Pie.' You tell the boy you're going to invoke your spirit guide, a red indian called Grey Wolf. Then you roll your eyes up (A wee bit of twitching would go down well at this point!).
In a gruff voice you say: How! My name is Grey Wolf. I come from the Happy Hunting Ground. You budgie isn't here. He must have gone to the place where the bad budgies go! But all is not lost. If you pay an extra twenty pence I can go and get him out.
Then, after the mark has coughed up, you cover yourself with the wet blanket and raise inner heat. Steam starts to come off the blanket. 'It's very hot down here,' you say.
Get the picture. I mean, if that's not a money spinner, what is?
I went to a literary do last night in the bar of the Traverse Theatre. Free wine. Since I spend most of my time on the Unheard of Island, I don't go out much. It's great going out. Standing on my own at the edge of things, at different times two pretty young women came over the speak to me. If I hadn't been holding a glass of wine on both occasions, I might have showed them one of my tricks. I've blogged about tricks before.
Trick One : Top trick is definitely going into a headstand and then into a lotus upside down and then sitting down in the lotus. Do this to someone with your back to them and they jump back in shock. People aren't used to seeing folk in lotus positions and sometimes that could freak them by itself.
Trick Two: Rolling your eyes up till there's nothing but white. People don't like it when you do this trick, which is a by-product of chasing ra bliss, so it's probably not a good way to impress young women.
Trick Three: I've blogged about sun salutations before. The Iyengar Yoga ones are slightly different. You put your hands on the ground keeping your legs straight so that your palms are flat on the deck. Then you jump back till you're in the plank position, like when you're half way through press-ups. This looks impossible when you see it and you think the joe is going to break his toes.
Anyway, this made me think again about the Pet Bereavement Counselling Service, which I think would be a real goer if only I wasn't TOO BLISSED TO BE BUGGERED.
I checked my site yesterday and Adolf has fixed all the links. Apparently, four or five of them weren't working except if you were me. He told me why this was, but I cannot remember now due to the wine removing what little IQ I had left. But I apologise to anyone who tried to download from it and got zip.
Adolf will have to come round from his part of the island to provide technical support for the Pet Bereavement Counselling Service. All I need is a webcam and a laptop and someone to do everything for me, including how to let people pay pots for the service. And they would too. People who love their pets must worry about what happens when they pass away. Say your budgie has died and you get online.
Go straight to trick number one. They see you curled on the floor of the cave with your back to them. Then you come up into the headstand. Then you go into the lotus while in the headstand. You curl down and sit so that suddenly they see you looking in their direction in a lotus. Then you ask the joe what his pet was called. Maybe he says tearfully, 'My little budgie was called Tweety Pie.' You tell the boy you're going to invoke your spirit guide, a red indian called Grey Wolf. Then you roll your eyes up (A wee bit of twitching would go down well at this point!).
In a gruff voice you say: How! My name is Grey Wolf. I come from the Happy Hunting Ground. You budgie isn't here. He must have gone to the place where the bad budgies go! But all is not lost. If you pay an extra twenty pence I can go and get him out.
Then, after the mark has coughed up, you cover yourself with the wet blanket and raise inner heat. Steam starts to come off the blanket. 'It's very hot down here,' you say.
Get the picture. I mean, if that's not a money spinner, what is?
posted by Hotboy at 2:58 PM
10 Comments:
Sounds like you had a good time with the wine and all. ummmm! Hey do they have McDonalds on the McDonald Island?
Good tricks...I should learn yoga. Funny that makes you think of Pet Bereavement counselling.
I love that saying TOO BLISSED TO BE BUGGERED. (That should be the one to go on the t-shirt).
Lee Ann: If there's a hamburger to be had on the McDonald Island, I can't think what they'd have on the Unmentionable Island, but it's probably not much use to a homonym, or even and anagram like me ... but even if I'm celibate the Nazi Papa says I can't be a priest if I'm a homonym. There should be a law against that. Hotboy
Oh my, just though I would "mention" that! Or maybe not:)
Lee Ann: One of the group of islands is called by a rude word. Well, it might be rude here and not rude in Alabama of course. Just didn't want to mention the unmentionable. Hotboy
Is S H A G (which is the name of the Island in question (I visited it some time ago, in another life)) a homonym?
Or is it just the name of this bird after which the island in question may be named.
Or is it named thus because of the velvet texture of the grass, which might make one think of this type of carpet.
One does not know the answers to these questions.
MM III
hahaha
sooo funny!
Well done, Mingin! How come I'm the only person who doesn't know how to put links on these comments? I suppose you can all play the music systems as well! I need a in-service training module or something.
Oh Toby - when did you first realise you were an anagram?
LA - we don't have McDonalds yet, but there is a sushi joint opening soon. My friends at the dolphin cannery have secured the contract to supply penguin sashimi.
I hope she spilth.
I have only had a few sushi items that I like. I am not crazy about McDonalds either. I just figured the Island with the same name...haha!
Oh gosh, I say!
Not another anagram! The Unheard of Islands will be awash with them soon.
Is there a fitting memorial to our dear departed Nobis Ralwin (anag) on the island yet, whose slow slide into immortality was reported here.
I believe that Ralwin's Postulate has been causing a stir amongst some academic circles since its publication.
MM III
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