Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ra Wonderful Royalty!

Noon, Thursday:

I've decided to make myself President of the Football Association here on the Unheard of and McDonald Islands. We only have one team, The Ben Gunn Penguin All Stars, but that's enough. I think this is only fair since discovering that Prince William (Long may they reign over us!!) has been made President of the Football Association in England. He got this job because ..... because ... because.... off with their heads!! This isn't personal.

The penguins who came back from Vladivostok visited Kilmainham Jail when they were there. James Connolly was shot by the British Army in that jail while seated (since he was too badly wounded to stand up) for his part in the Easter Uprising. James Connolly was in international socialist who lived in the States at one time, if I recall right, and had connections with the Wobblies and other American lefties. Since he was from the slums of Edinburgh, they did not make him President of the Football Association.

The war in Iraq is bad enough. Prince William is the last straw. I want to live in a wee country with no guns. Accept for mine.

Ye see yon birkie caud a lord, wha struts an' stares an' aw that, tho thousands worship at his word, he's but a couf fur aw that!

I think you're allowed to replace couf by anything appropriate to you.

No pollutants last night apart from the bottle of Shiva lager. The meditations when I got up today were brilliant. As I sit here, with the noise blockers on, I can hear a little roaring in the ears. My chi, or whatever it is, is holding me up, as I sit as usual in a half lotus. I'm full of it today. The only mistake I made was going out for a newspaper.

I came to the computer to start work on my book re-write, but checked my blog first. Stuck in bloggyland ever since.

Adolf has pointed out that you can cut and paste on this thing. I didn't know that. You can refer to previous blogs and cut and paste. Fung sake! I could spend my life blogging at this rate! When I'm supposed to be writing another novel that no one will ever read. Starting a re-write is always a wee bit difficult. Once you get going ....

But this is funging it! If I stop the pollutions .... who wants to be normal anyway. I've decided to make myself King of this part of the island. Not only President of the Football Association, but King as well. Oh, what did I do to deserve this?

I'll go away and meditate for a bit then try to write my book without checking the blog first!!

10:40 p.m.
Whilst doing ra bliss about half nine, I decided I wanted to be more normal (the cave is empty. I could afford some beers just one more time before Wednesday), so I went out for four Erdingers! On the third.

All you can say about God is not true.... Meister Eckhart. Actually, that one's a good one. If you believe in God, try it out. My sister died of Multiple Sclerosis, so fung off, God. I'm a hotboy, so God is wonderful. Etcetera. God beyond language and concepts is okay. Let's just leave God there, beyond discussion.

If you believe in the bible, Jesus said something like ... it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. So where are all the rich batrurns going then? They only had two places in those days. Heaven and Hell.

I believe the Catholics (and that was everyone then!) invented Limbo because they needed somewhere to stick Plato and other pre-Christian virtuous (and rather smart) pagans.

So is Prince William going to Hell. Well, he's rich. Certainly, not heaven. One day he will be head of the Church Of England because ... because ... because that's a truly stupid church.

So, straight from Jesus Christ, who Christians will tell you is God, he's going to hell.

Calvinists, and there are still some of them around these parts, believe in predestination. So God knows that boy is going to hell even before he's born, but lets him get on with it because of free will.

But what kind of free will does the now President of the Football Association have? Did he ask to be a rich basturn and scion of such a lousy bunch of .... No! However, if he ever tells them to fung off like yon fascist Edward the Eighth, he is welcome to come down to the Unheard of Island and play some footie with me. Even at my advanced age I could take the piss out of him with a football!! Long may they reign over us. Then he'll have exercised his free will and got poor. No more hell. Fair enough.

Another really great day today! I worked on the unheard of and unpublishable book twice today. Almost two hours writing. When you're really writing, it should be eight hours. When I was a real writer, I wrote that long. Well, that was a long time ago. Did at least six hours sitting quietly doing nothing today. This life is wonderful just now, but I have to get back to the Samye Ling in mid-October.


Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Dear Hotboy,

Have you thought about writing a blog book?

The first post would start the text at the very end of the book.

Gradually you would work forwards, post-by-post 'page-by-page' until the very last post would be the very beginning of the book.

Then people could read your book from beginning to end.

Just an idea. Possibly crackpot, I know, but the sun isn't down yet, so I'm a tad parched.

Even more of an adventure would be to actually compose the book backwards.

Anyway, here's an idea for the first post:

"And they all lived happily every after, apart from the President of The Ben Gunn Penguin All Stars, who was pecked to death one windy night."


3:44 PM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Mingin! This is an interesting idea. Unfortunately, my sense of direction is bad enough. I would have to write it standing on my head, wouldn't I? But you go ahead and I'll edit. I think the first post should say ... "and then the Hotboy and all the penguins, along with the re-incarnation of Adolf Hitler, were taken away by angels."v
Haven't lost it!! No way. Hotboy

6:11 PM  
Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Well, first of all, you like standing on your head, but secondly, as the Unheard of Islands are in the southern hemisphere, you shouldn't have to, should you?

Which book finishes thus:

'It's burnin' down,' he muttered, but there was no one there to hear him. 'It's burnin' down,' he muttered to himself again. Then he turned and took that first lonely step.


8:11 PM  
Blogger hotboy said...

The play of the book ended better. No one but me liked that last sentence. Hotboy.p.s. if you can come up with a good last line, I'll try for the second last.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am glad you are the King of that part of the Island, and President of the football league. We will all rest easy now! Cheers!

9:22 PM  
Blogger robmcj said...

"King" Hotboy. If the inhabitants were shopping around for a head of state of the whole island group, they might prefer someone with at least a few molecules of Prussian royalty in the blood. Someone with experience in world leading.

In your wisdom, you have headed off a constitutional crisis, by partitioning the nation while I was overseas opening a new wing of poker machines at the North Ryde RSL.

There's no need for a wall if we can be civilised about this.

9:42 AM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Only three people know the solution to the Schleswig Holstein Question. One's dead, one's mad, and the other one is me, and I've forgotten. Might be trouble on the borders, I fear. If a balloon flies overhead and all your penguins fall over staring up at it, watch out. Hotboy

8:49 PM  

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