Rem Tricks!
I was complaining to Adolf about how I have to repeat myself when someone asks about ra bliss. Like, what is ra bliss and how do I get it? He said why didn't I link to previous posts? You see, German. Thorough and meticulous. No spelling mistakes and so anally repressed that he's the only person I know who could spell diarrhoeaeoea. But what a help! Anyone want to know how to get blissed out of their face on air should go the the post Ra Recriminations. I'd link to it, but I'm not very German and can't be bothered.
Anyway, now I can blog about important things like not getting a literary agent and how to make money from tricks!
I've got more tricks than I realised!
Trick One : Top trick is definitely going into a headstand and then into a lotus upside down and then sitting down in the lotus. Do this to someone with your back to them and they jump back in shock. People aren't used to seeing folk in lotus positions and sometimes that could freak them by itself.
Trick Two: Rolling your eyes up till there's nothing but white. People don't like it when you do this trick, which is a by-product of chasing ra bliss.
Trick Three: I've blogged about sun salutations before. The Iyengar Yoga ones are slightly different. You put your hands on the ground keeping your legs straight so that your palms are flat on the deck. Then you jump back till you're in the plank position, like when you're half way through press-ups. This looks impossible when you see it and you think the joe is going to break his toes.
Trick Three: I can skip like a professional boxer. People have seen this before, but it's still impressive!
What I need to do is put all this together somehow so that when I'M TOO BLISSED TO BE BUGGERED and sitting on the pavement homeless, I can still make some money. I'd much rather be too blissed to be buggered in Sikkim!
So I need a webcam and a laptop. I know geeks and nerds by the bucketful and this shouldn't be too difficult with a little initial sponsorship. I'm going to set up and Bereavement Counselling site for Pet Owners. You pays your money and you get the warm-up, consisting of a wee bit skipping and then a couple of jumps. Then the headstand lotus bit. Then you ask the joe what his pet was called. Maybe he says tearfully, the mutt was called Rover. You tell the boy you're going to invoke your spirit guide, a red indian called Grey Wolf. Then you roll your eyes up (A wee bit of twitching would go down well at this point!).
In a gruff voice you say: My name is Grey Wolf . I come from the Happy Hunting Ground. Woof! Woof! Rover is as happy as happy can be! Woof! Woof!
Got to be a winner! I'm sure I could clean up with an act like that. What do you think?
Anyway, now I can blog about important things like not getting a literary agent and how to make money from tricks!
I've got more tricks than I realised!
Trick One : Top trick is definitely going into a headstand and then into a lotus upside down and then sitting down in the lotus. Do this to someone with your back to them and they jump back in shock. People aren't used to seeing folk in lotus positions and sometimes that could freak them by itself.
Trick Two: Rolling your eyes up till there's nothing but white. People don't like it when you do this trick, which is a by-product of chasing ra bliss.
Trick Three: I've blogged about sun salutations before. The Iyengar Yoga ones are slightly different. You put your hands on the ground keeping your legs straight so that your palms are flat on the deck. Then you jump back till you're in the plank position, like when you're half way through press-ups. This looks impossible when you see it and you think the joe is going to break his toes.
Trick Three: I can skip like a professional boxer. People have seen this before, but it's still impressive!
What I need to do is put all this together somehow so that when I'M TOO BLISSED TO BE BUGGERED and sitting on the pavement homeless, I can still make some money. I'd much rather be too blissed to be buggered in Sikkim!
So I need a webcam and a laptop. I know geeks and nerds by the bucketful and this shouldn't be too difficult with a little initial sponsorship. I'm going to set up and Bereavement Counselling site for Pet Owners. You pays your money and you get the warm-up, consisting of a wee bit skipping and then a couple of jumps. Then the headstand lotus bit. Then you ask the joe what his pet was called. Maybe he says tearfully, the mutt was called Rover. You tell the boy you're going to invoke your spirit guide, a red indian called Grey Wolf. Then you roll your eyes up (A wee bit of twitching would go down well at this point!).
In a gruff voice you say: My name is Grey Wolf . I come from the Happy Hunting Ground. Woof! Woof! Rover is as happy as happy can be! Woof! Woof!
Got to be a winner! I'm sure I could clean up with an act like that. What do you think?
posted by Hotboy at 2:49 PM
7 Comments:
Chief Dan George would have been perfect for the role of Grey Wolf in the film version.
Why not an African witchdoctor as a spirit guide? here's a local one.
I say, are you still a vegetesbian, Hotboy?
MM III
hotboy, you have some good tricks. I really do not know how well your Bereavement Counselling site for Pet Owners would go. Let me know if you decide to do that.
Mingin! Unfortunately, the kiddie blocker thing on this stopped the photie of the witchdoctor appearing. Forbidden, it said! Dearie me. However, it is just as good, the witch doctor instead of the red indian. But what about the Happy Hunting Ground? Witchdoctors don't have a brand like that, do they?
I'm still eating home made bread and soup. But I also have tatties and onions fried up due to having eat the allotment at this time of year, the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.
Is Africa as it was when I was last there?
Nae dead animals though they are very tasty when half burnt.
Lee Ann. I'm made for the Bereavement Counselling for Pet Owners! My problem is getting Brian Wilson to take this seriously. He also has a hut in the grounds of his castle. And is famous for getting prizes for marketing anagrams. It would be a great lifestyle. Also, people looking after you because you are precious is nice, isn't it? Hotboy. Thanks for visiting RaBlissBlog
Hotboy. I know you're too busy to do the linking to previous posts. What with the tricks and the breathing and all that.
I'll be happy to do the links for you. Just give me your blogger password and I'll do the rest.
Can you remind readers what comes after three?
All this levity about witchcraft etc. - are you people not concerned about invoking the wrath of the spirit guides and deities? Look what happened to me when I did the mask thing.
I understand what you said here about imagining your faeces splattering all over the place. But I'm still wondering what you yourself do while you're sitting in bliss for 5 hours. Do you come out of your trance at the end, and find yourself in a smelly heap?
Then I lost you at the finish of your explanation - the connection between your much-decorated brother, and my white towel. Do you see it as your military hero versus my symbolic white flag of surrender? Poetic.
I think further clarification is called for. Let me know if I can do anything to help.
PS Thanks for the commendation on my achievement, in getting as far away from Scotland as possible. My retentive skills helped me overcome the backwash by clinging to rocks. I know you tried it and got sucked back after a year. And look what happened to poor Nobis, he only made it half-way back.
Thanks for recommending a constipation cure, I'll use it if I ever need it. Have you anything for flatulence? It's for a friend, not for me.
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